So Let me start this off with the truth, I wear a wig ya’ll. Not just your basic Bitch Instagram hair boutique lace front. I spend money on my hair which I admittedly am not proud of. I used to be all about that long hair don’t care, It’s mine because I bought it routine. Lately I’ve been outgrowing that persona. I even let go of my long ass nails. Don’t call me a hypocrite; I am pro choice. All ladies are beautiful and have the perogative to rock whatever they choose. Personally, I wear my real hair on the weekends like a side chick. The issue is, my wig looks like it could be my hair. A shoulder length curly fro with blond highlights. The type of curls that make you look twice. It wasn’t until I started becoming more natural that I realized how deceiving this can be for someone who loves my wig and thinks it grows from my scalp.
With ex’s, I never had to have the “this isn’t my hair,” discussion. I just assumed any guy I would date would know this. Well now that I’ve been dating again, I’ve come to fear this awkward conversation. Like, how do you even bring it up. The guy says, “Wow I love your hair.” I follow up with, “ Aww thank you, by the way I’m wearing a wig.” I just haven’t found the right timing and so I’ve come to fear the “moment of honesty,” the first kiss.
Why is it that when men kiss, they always want to run their fingers through your hair. Even if it was my natural hair, That shit will swallow some fingers up in .2 seconds. It happens the same way every time. 1. He leans in for the kiss 2. He creeps his hand up my neck 3. I start leaning to the side hoping he'll get the message. Eventually I end up do the Cha Cha Slide with my kneck.
If that fails, I’ll even put my arms up in my own hair just so he can’t. It’s weird as hell but I’m telling you they get so confused that shit works. After the first or second time they usually get it, but this last guy had to go. Now he was a super touchy feely cupcake type of dude and it was almost like he couldn’t help himself. No matter how many times I swatted his fingers or asked him not to touch me hair, he wouldn’t stop. I pretty much had to arm wrestle him mid kiss because he just wouldn’t get the message. The other night is when I snapped. He went in for a big kiss goodbye. Like the Notebook status. I saw his hands in slow motion as the crept towards the back of my neck. Before I knew it, all 10 of his fingers were in my “big braid.” (Lazy naturals know what I mean. )Y’all know what I did? I took it off.
His face was in so much shock and terror. I could’ve been embarrassed but instead I found this to be hilarious. Especially because we were outside in his parking lot. He stuttered for a second and looked like he wanted to run straight to his front door. I adjusted that shit, put it back on like a hat, and said “goodnight.”
Now fair warning, don’t do this unless you’re over your situation. I already knew I was done. I considered this going out with a bang. The crazy thing is, he texted me that night and apologized. He said he wouldn’t touch my hair anymore. I don’t know why that makes me feel like he’s crazy when clearly I’m the flawed one here. Regardless, I’m sure there’s a lesson in here that I’m choosing to ignore. Until next time friends